SPLATTER SCHOOL

Let me tell you, SPLATTER SCHOOL is a game that feels like it was made with me in mind! I am a massive and I mean massive fan of what this game (well I think it is) parodying so I had a blast and a huge cheesy grin on my face the whole time I was jump kicking my way through this. I will not lie to you, this is certainly not a perfect game and it does take some overlooking of a few things to appreciate it. However, if you love old-school kickass arcade style beat-em-ups, this is well worth checking out.

Who Needs A Terror Mask?

I am sure that many of you have put two and two together and as I did, realize that SPLATTER SCHOOL is a parody of Splatterhouse! That original Splatterhouse was awesome, but it was Splatterhouse II on the Sega Mega Drive that I played a ton of as a kid. I also feel that the Splatterhouse Namco made in 2010 is a criminally underrated game and I am still pissed that we have not had a sequel to it. Basically, what we have here is a more extreme version of the Splatterhouse series, and instead of playing as a hulking dude called Rick, we play as a high school chick.

No Sleeping Through That Noise

While there is not much in the way of a story in SPLATTER SCHOOL, the premise of what is going down here is a lot of fun. Our main character is a high school hottie who is just trying to enjoy her after school nap. However, she is woken up by an alarm and all hell has broken loose at her school. There are these gross monsters everywhere and they are just tearing her school pals to shreds and now she needs to get the hell out of there or she could very well be next to be ravaged by whatever these creatures are.

High School Never Ends

Any other Bowling for Soup fans here? Anyway, the gameplay of SPLATTER SCHOOL is certainly something that you have to try really hard to love and by the end of the game, I did in fact love it. This is a classic side scroller where you get to the end of the stage, fight an end of area boss, and then move on. There are enemies that come at you from left and right and you need to kill them before they get to you. You can pick up some weapons, but the weapons actually put you at a disadvantage as you cannot attack while jumping when holding one! Ditch the weapons and just jump kick your way through the game! It may be basic stuff, but I was having fun with it as I loved the premise of the game and the way that it looked, plus the fact this is based on Splatterhouse did also help with me overlooking the fact that the gameplay is not exactly super deep.

Some Meat On Her Bones

I will say that I love the look of the main character in SPLATTER SCHOOL. She is nice and thick and that is great. The game has an animated style to it and the animation is actually pretty well done. The thing is the XXX content here is certainly going to be something fo an

acquired taste that is for sure. This is a pretty extreme game so expect to see hardcore tentacle porn and all kinds of gross monsters with weird looking penises having their way with our blonde thick beauty. I can appreciate that it fits the style and tone of Splatterhouse and what they are doing here, but I did not find it hot. There are though a few XXX images of the girl on her own and that was cool to see.

Pros:

• I loved the design of the main character, she is thick and hot
• This is something Splatterhouse fans will have a lot of fun with
• If you like tentacle porn and monsters banging chicks, the XXX content will blow your mind
• This is a game that does not overstay its welcome

Cons:

• The combat is very basic and the weapons make it harder!
• I did not find the monster porn a turn on at all